“Having the guts to love oneself even when we run the risk of disappointing others is what it means to have the courage to set boundaries.” BrenĂ© Brown
It can be challenging to manage boundaries, particularly if you have never been taught how to set and uphold them. While some people can naturally set boundaries, others require assistance and support. If you are a people-pleaser or have a sensitive and excessively compassionate disposition, you probably have trouble setting limits. You are driven by this disposition to make others happy, but you risk neglecting your own needs in the process. Healthy limits must be established in order to create a life that supports an ultimate sense of contentment and harmony. Boundaries not only show people how to respect your limits but also act as a set of rules for you to follow as you go through life and take care of yourself. Here are a few typical occurrences that result in habitually unsuccessful boundary formation.
The environment you are raised in during your formative years determines the norms and standards you set for yourself and those around you when you are an adult. How you create limits is greatly influenced by your parenting practices and the caliber of your relationships. You probably have strict limits and relentlessly demand unachievable perfection from both yourself and people around you if you had controlling parents as children. This causes you to repeatedly discredit other people’s viewpoints in an effort to satisfy your own needs or convince others that they are constantly lacking. You might believe that it is your duty to make sure others are okay, despite the discomfort you feel, if you had parents who emptied their emotional wounds and negative feelings on your impressionable and developing brain. Children cannot and should not carry the responsibilities of maturity. Being compelled to do so hinders your ability to develop normally and may affect your ability to have good relationships unless you learn how to do so.
Believe it or not, your personality development is influenced by your birth order. Perhaps because you were the baby in your family, you could do as you pleased. This results in going too far and expecting people to fulfill your needs despite the negative effects on their lives. Perhaps you were the eldest sibling and your parents expected you to look after your younger siblings. If so, you are probably the protector of others and don’t care if you are taken care of in the process. Middle children are infamous for having identity crises and interpersonal difficulties. You learn as a child that neither being the youngest nor being the oldest will provide you the respect you seek. You might become mediocre as a result, unsure of what you want out of life. Perhaps you were an only child and had constant contact only with adults. Due to your inability to communicate or seek emotional interaction with others your own age, you may become socially awkward and develop impenetrable barriers that are difficult for others to break down.
PLEASING OF OTHERS AND CONFLICT AVOIDANCE
Some people dislike conflict, and they will go to any lengths to avoid it. This forces you to yield to the will of others even when it conflicts with your values. People who have a tendency to be people-pleasers will go to any lengths to maintain harmony. This quality is a result of unhelpful communication techniques and certain personality traits. You are not alone if you find it difficult to communicate your views or feelings because you are worried about what other people will think. It is crucial to understand that even though the truth hurts, it must still be told to others. Discover your voice and have the guts to speak up. People who disagree with this are not welcome in your life.
If you were subjected to abuse or trauma as a child, you probably feel unworthy of importance or feeling anything at all. You may believe that setting boundaries will cause you to be hated or rejected, therefore you may choose to put up with others’ poor behavior in order to escape being by yourself. Some people search for the things they didn’t have as children and fail to establish good boundaries to safeguard themselves. Did you have abandoned parents or did you miss one parent as a child? This causes maladaptive behaviors in adulthood defined by looking for relationships that, even if they are damaging, subtly or intentionally replicate those you lacked as a child. As an adult, this could lead you to seek out toxic relationships or embrace a false notion of love. Some people think they are unlovable or think they must sacrifice their values in order for others to stay with them. This kind of relational deficit is defined by a lack of self-advocacy or a willingness to defend your principles or ideas. You think that following the majority is simpler, and this motivates you to be less authentic. After all, it’s preferable to be attached negatively than to be alone, isn’t it?
Being in an abusive romantic relationship or being married to a covert narcissist lowers your self-esteem and makes you feel unworthy of having boundaries. You start ignoring your requirements and your own needs. It’s possible that you start to deceive yourself and concentrate all of your efforts on making your partner happy since at least then you’ll be viewed as a deserving person. Your brain develops dysfunctional neural networks as a result of emotional and mental abuse, which make you tolerate bad treatment. It starts out mildly and builds up to the point where you are unable to distinguish between their feelings and perceptions and your own. You might go out of your way to make other people happy, but when you become overburdened or believe that nothing is ever good enough, you become resentful.
Although they are a necessary part of life, boundaries can be challenging to uphold. Perhaps you feel guilty when you refuse because you don’t want to hurt other people. This is a typical reaction, but it’s not a good one. Boundaries keep you safe and make sure that no one can push you over your boundaries. Sounds easy enough, doesn’t it? In my professional experience, most people have a very difficult time establishing good boundaries. You can get assistance from New Vision Counseling and Consulting in creating and upholding appropriate limits. We can help you find your authentic self and then develop the good habits and limits that will help you live a successful and balanced life. Are you prepared to advance on your path to recovery? If so, please contact us at (405) 921-7776.
To guarantee that everyone respects our needs, feelings, and privacy, we set boundaries for ourselves and others. You can start setting up different kinds of boundaries so that you can present your best self in every aspect of your life. Relational boundaries are among the most crucial to uphold. Our existence is centered on relationships, and limits enable us to conduct successful interactions in a polite manner. It’s important to let your partner, friends, family, and coworkers know what your boundaries are. Setting and upholding appropriate limits is crucial for preserving your physical, emotional, and mental health. The 7 different boundary types and suggestions for enforcing them are listed below.
In order to feel secure and at ease, we define our own space with physical limits. They also cover the current demands of your body, such as how much sleep you should get and how much food and liquid you should consume to feel full and healthy. Although this differs from person to person, it is essential to make these clear to the people who are closest to you and to uphold them so that you stay within your bounds. When someone enters your area, you’ll know because it will make you feel uneasy. It could be best to cut ties with someone if they continue to transgress your limits despite explicit communication.
We establish emotional boundaries for ourselves in order to safeguard our feelings, emotions, and moods. Having these boundaries is essential for both emotional health and self-esteem. Be careful not to divulge too many intimate facts too quickly, and think carefully about who you invite inside your heart and head. I frequently overhear people saying, “You made me feel __.” This is not, however, a true statement. When you have strong emotional boundaries, you can keep your feelings distinct from those of other people and give yourself permission to leave a toxic relationship. Uncomfortableness, hostility, and anxiety are often indicators of emotional boundary violations. These are clear signs that you might be allowing other people to affect your thoughts and feelings.
Your thoughts and opinions are shielded by your mental limits. People-pleasers frequently struggle in this area as a result of their aversion to deviating from the norm or making a negative statement about their ideas. Don’t let others persuade you to hold beliefs that make you uncomfortable; stand up for what you believe in. Mental limitations relate to both your interactions with others and with yourself. Your capacity for gratitude and contentment can be severely hampered by toxic thought habits and self-talk. You are also unable to love yourself because of it. Your sense of self-worth and love for yourself will both direct your life and show others how to treat you. How can you expect others to treat you with respect if you don’t respect yourself?
Your possessions and wealth serve as physical barriers. This enables you to distinguish between what is your property and that of others. For instance, the majority of people have a fence enclosing their property. This signals to visitors that your yard and space are private and should only be entered with permission. This enables you to safeguard your physical environment, residence, and energy. When somebody misuse your possessions without your permission, steal from you, or destroy borrowed stuff they are violating your material limits.
You can maintain your own theological and philosophical perspectives by maintaining spiritual boundaries, regardless of what other people think or feel. This could involve offering a prayer before each meal or refraining from debating other people’s religious beliefs. Unfortunately, some people even go to church alone, which is difficult but necessary if there is no reconciliation regarding spiritual practices or beliefs.
Time is the most precious and finite resource you have in life. It is crucial to make your time worthwhile because of this. The majority of successful people are conscious of this and understand that time is a finite resource. As a result, established schedules and routines provide you the freedom to decide how you want to spend your time and give you a plan for doing so. A fundamental life skill that enables you to be effective and deliberate is time management. Setting healthy limits for yourself entails prioritizing work over leisure and declining offers to assist others when you have your own responsibilities. Another area where people pleasers suffer is this one, and it can deplete and tire you. To practice enforcing this boundary, schedule each day and use the word “NO.” Saying “yes” to others can occasionally mean saying “no” to ourselves.
Deal breakers are frequently used to describe these kinds of limitations. You draw these boundaries and won’t cross them. These might deal with security, defense, values, or beliefs. In order to live a happy life, it is vital to identify which boundaries fit into this category. Having too many non-negotiables can make this difficult. If you want to succeed and prosper, it’s imperative to develop flexibility and adaptation. Setting expectations up front will help people understand what is personally unacceptable to you. For instance, you might have specific ideals that must be upheld while beginning a new relationship, such as loyalty and honesty. We all make errors because we are only human, but disregarding someone else’s boundaries repeatedly turns it into a choice rather than an oversight or misunderstanding.
Setting and maintaining boundaries can be challenging, particularly if you were never taught how. Your lack of appropriate boundaries may be a result of your upbringing or a personality trait that makes you feel guilty for refusing requests from others. Healthy boundaries are essential for building a life that is satisfying and having good relationships. You can get the framework you need from New Vision Counseling and Consulting to help you establish limits that are acceptable for your way of life and your values. Boundaries give us rules for self-care as well as teaching others how to treat us. Reach out to us right away if you’re ready to start changing your life. We’ll walk with you as you establish healthier boundaries and wonderful relationships with both yourself and other people. Now all you have to do is give us a call at (405) 921-7776.
Now is the time for a fresh start!
Life can be challenging. In our lives, we are all confronted with stress, pain, loss, and a sense of being out of control. Even the strongest people you know require assistance from time to time to work through life’s more difficult problems.
You may be facing some of your own life’s challenges and believe you’ve done everything you can to cope, but nothing seems to be changing or improving. You might not know where to turn for assistance, who to talk to, or what to expect from therapy. These are common concerns and questions.
We’d like to reassure you… You’ve come to the right place!
Whether you are suffering from anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, addictions, adjusting to a life transition, or trauma, you should know that there is hope for a better tomorrow.
Are you ready?Â Call Us Now!
Our therapists at Shawn Maguire LPC are passionate about assisting men and women in navigating significant life transitions that can frequently result in unexpected challenges. We are dedicated to providing you with resources, tools, and coping strategies to assist you in developing new skills and finding solutions to the issues that are most important to you.
We believe that as we work through these challenges together, you will gain a new perspective, consider other options, and recognize that you can implement more effective coping strategies that will benefit you now and in the future.
Are you prepared? Call Us Right Now!
Our primary goal in counseling is to provide both men and women with the individualized care they require to help them navigate the challenges we all face at different stages of life. If you’re ready to take the next step and live the life you want, don’t put it off any longer!
We are interested in you, your family, and your story. You can be confident that we will treat you with dignity, respect, and compassion in every interaction, while upholding the highest standards of integrity and ethics.
Shame and Guilt
Bereavement and Loss
Addiction-Related Behaviors (pornography, substance, sexual, etc)
Abuse (emotional, sexual, physical) (emotional, sexual, physical)
Problems with Self-Worth
Transitions in Life
A crisis of faith
Individual Counseling For Anxiety
Do you constantly worry about work when you’re at home, or do you get anxious and tense over minor events?
Is your mind riddled with a powerless sense of impending doom, a place where rising panic can be difficult to overcome?
Is it difficult for you to get on with your life and enjoy each day because you are afraid?
These signs and symptoms are common in people suffering from anxiety disorder, a medical condition. While difficult anxiety symptoms can have a negative impact on many aspects of your life, there is hope for a more peaceful and serene future.
For years, I’ve been assisting clients suffering from anxiety disorders.
My evidence-based therapy frequently allows clients to laugh freely, relax completely, and ground themselves in the face of fear. I can show you how to worry less about the future and more about the present.
It is critical to understand that you are not alone. Anxiety disorders affect 40 million adults, or 18% of Americans, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
What’s the good news?
There is assistance available.
Anxiety is not your fault, nor is it the result of anything you have or have not done. As with many other illnesses, effective treatments are available to alleviate your suffering and return you to a happier, healthier life.
So, if you frequently encounter…
Fearful feelings all the time
A racing heart, heightened by the slightest of frights
Regardless of evidence, expecting the worst
Physical symptoms include headaches, sweating, shaking and jitteriness, difficulty concentrating, a frequent need to urinate, and stomach discomfort.
Or if you find yourself thinking…
“Staying at home is safer.”
“However, what if…”
“I can’t breathe, do this, relax, stop, or turn off!”
“Either they or I could be in jeopardy!”
Then I’m grateful you’re reading this. Our tried-and-true steps and therapies can provide you with remarkable relief.
While I understand that this condition can carry a stigma that may have prevented you from seeking treatment, your life can and should improve.
Please contact us today for an appointmentÂ if you’d like us to show you how individual counseling can help.
Anxiety over covid is a common problem that many people face. It can be difficult to cope with, but there are some simple things you can do to reduce anxiety over covid and make your life easier. In this blog post, we will discuss 5 different strategies for reducing anxiety over covid. Reduce anxiety now by reading these helpful tips!
– Take a deep breath and focus on your surroundings.
– Talk to someone about what is bothering you and how they can help. Whether thatâ€™s family, friends or work colleagues, having another person involved will reduce anxiety over covid by giving it more of an â€śoutside sourceâ€ť feeling rather than something only inside you.
– Exercise is a great way to reduce anxiety over covid because it releases endorphins, which are chemicals in your brain that make you feel good. The more endorphins there are in the body, the less anxious you will be feeling! This can also increase self-confidence and improve your mood by reducing pent up stress or anger.
– Keep busy. By keeping active, you can distract yourself from the anxiety over covid and reduce your awareness of it.Â Staying home thinking about covid and the fate of the world can create more anxiety.
-Identify your triggers for anxiety over covid.Â Then, think through ways you can practically deal with them in the future.
– Try breathing exercises and meditation techniques. These have been shown as effective ways of alleviating feelings of stress and reducing anxiety over covid.
These are just a few of the many strategies dealing with anxiety over covid can make your life better. Don’t wait any longer to reduce your anxiety so you can start living your life again!
If you would like more help with a counselor to help walk this journey with you we are here.Â You can call or email to start the process of counseling now.Â We at New Vision Counseling are waiting to partner with you on your journey towards more peace in the midst of the craziness of covid and world events.Â You can reach us by phone at (405) 921-7776Â We look forward to walking this journey with you soon!
Caleb McKean, LPC no longer works at New Vision Counseling but the good news is that we have other amazing counselors who can help you in your time of need. We have a team of therapists who care and are experienced in helping you gain freedom and achieve your goals. Contact us today so we can help you navigate this season together
Anxiety can be your bodyâ€™s way of telling you that something is wrong.
If you have been experiencing anxiety in the wake of everything going on with COVID-19, just know that youâ€™re not going crazy. And youâ€™re not alone. If you find that you are having trouble sleeping, eating, focusing, or concentrating there are things you can do right now to help reduce these symptoms.
Acknowledge that you are feeling this way and understand that it is normal. Give space for your feelings to come out and let them sit for a minute.
Take some deep breaths and speak some truth to yourself. Try 4×4 breathing, breathe in for four counts and out for four counts. Do this ten times and remind yourself of the hope that still exists and what you have to be thankful for. Read passages from the Bible that are comforting and encouraging. Practicing gratitude, even when itâ€™s hard, has proven to help your mental health. There is no rush to process this quickly, and itâ€™s okay if your way of processing looks different than someone else’s.
Take this time to create space in your life. As a culture, itâ€™s so hard for us to create space. Life is so jam-packed full of activities, and most of us donâ€™t slow down as often as we need to. Use this time to do things for yourself. Do things you have been putting off, or relax in ways that you never have time for. Give back as often as you can to people around you who are experiencing hardship.
Continue Healthy Habits In times of chaos, like this global pandemic, we can easily toss aside our healthy habits. You know, the habits we have worked so diligently to create. Eating healthy, getting enough sleep, watching what kind of media we allow into our mind are just a few examples. Now more then ever its vital to keep doing those things that create the best version of yourself. God created you to live this way and its your gift back. Back to your family, your community and yourself. So no matter where this finds you today, start again. Start taking care of your spirit, mind and body again.
No matter where you are, we can help. We can provide a space for you to process anything and everything that is happening right now. We can help you in person or through telehealth. We are here to help you with this season of uncertainty. And through Telehealth you donâ€™t have to come to our office if you donâ€™t want to. Donâ€™t wait for things to get worse before doing something about it. There is hope for you today, and we want to walk with you through this season of life. Call or email us today at (405) 921-7776 or visit our site.
Oklahoma City is a very desirable city in terms of the relationships that it can provide. It has so many things to offer in terms of the relationships that it can help to improve. It has such an amazingly different kind of romance that it can provide. Not only can it give you some great romantic advice that you can use in your current relationship, but it can also give you some wonderful advice in your future relationships.
The city of Oklahoma City is also known for having a very appealing and unique culture. It can be one of the things that you will be doing to revitalize your love life. So, if you are looking for the right kind of relationship counseling in the city of Oklahoma, the city of Oklahoma City can be the one that you will need to try.
The people in the city of Oklahoma are friendly and it is one of the things that you will find in the perfect place to find some kind of relationship counseling. They are so friendly that they are used to helping people out and dealing with the problems that they have. There are other reasons for this, but they are both great reasons for you to find some good relationship counseling in the city of Oklahoma. You will be able to find a lot of great options for your relationship counseling in the city of Oklahoma City.
One of the things that you will be able to find in the city of Oklahoma is a couple that you can meet through the relationship counseling in the city of Oklahoma. There are other reasons that you can find for the different relationships that you can find in the city of Oklahoma. One of the things that you will be able to find is the number of different types of relationship counseling that you can find in the city of Oklahoma.
In the city of Oklahoma, you will be able to find many different types of relationships that you can find through the various relationship counseling programs. These relationships can be different types of relationships. The relationships that you can find can be different types of relationships.
There are many things that you can find through the various relationship counseling programs that you can find in the city of Oklahoma. There are many different types of couples that you can find through the different relationship counseling programs. There are a lot of different relationships that you can find through the relationship counseling programs in the city of Oklahoma. There are a lot of different types of relationships that you can find in the city of Oklahoma.
The relationship counseling in the city of Oklahoma can be the kind of thing that you will need in order to find your relationship of your dreams. You will be able to find a great many different relationships in the city of Oklahoma. So, if you are looking for the perfect relationship counseling in the city of Oklahoma, the city of Oklahoma can be the one that you will need to try.
Hello hi this is Sarah calling from new vision counseling we just missed a call from this number oh thatâ€™s OK marriage crisis okc. OK when did you send the email over the weekend oh perfect perfect. OK what was your name? Adrianna OK awesome so I did you have a counselor in mind that you wanted to see for a premarital counseling I havenâ€™t yet thatâ€™s OK I just didnâ€™t know if you had a preference. It sounded like the potential new clients voice was carrying over to my microphone because it wrote some of the words down on the page from marriage crisis okc. That is funny. OK we are going to keep going because we just finished the last one and we need to finish this one in 10 minutes so we are going to go as fast as we can some of the notes that I was reading from previously I am going to return again on marriage crisis okc. I will start with the reference Matthew 1128 from the Messenger version. I just spent time in the presence of God he will give you what you need. Let him do the work inside of you. Your value is fixed and established when Jesus performed his life, died on the cross and rose again. It is finished. He says youâ€™re worth it. He says youâ€™re worthy. Your identity is in Christ and not your performance. Christian maturity isnâ€™t growing closer and closer to perfection itâ€™s growing closer and closer to Jesus because we are completely in adequate without him. Laid on Him and find a rest. These next notes were from marriage crisis okc Pastor Kirk on February 15. the scripture him and find a rest. These next notes were from Pastor Kirk on February 15 the scripture reference is Matthew 548. Then the notes say Jesus came to us from our Sanna but also to save us four hours from ourselves the pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect. Perfection is not attained by you and I. Then why do we make it our goal? Donâ€™t be a slave to perfection. Favorite is a gift thatâ€™s an end in marriage crisis okc. The reference here is genesis 35 new living translation. We are deceived by his spirit of control everything perfection is Christianity. Christianity is not about perfection itâ€™s about Jesus is perfection. Jesus came to set us free from trying to fix ourselves. Let him do the change in work and you. No one wants to be around someone who is always trying to fix them. The desire for control can end up controlling us. Every attempt to fix another person as a downbeat attempt to fix ourselves. Our hope is in God and Christ substitution. Identity is not in others or how we perform. My identity is in Christ not marriage crisis okc. I scripture reference at this point as Romans 83. Pride precious us to thinking we can be perfect on her own. We are in need of our Savior. We need grace every day. A scripture reference here is John eight verses 10 through 11.
Go and sin no more. That is a quote from Jesus to the woman who is going to be stoned for adultery. He saved her and said this. I commend it without condition or control. He does not condemn. No strings attached. Jesus came to save you not controlling you marriage crisis okc. Whoâ€™s voice are you listening to you. These notes notes are from Grant and they are titled taking ground. The only hope for our humanity is Jesus. We represent Jesus we are the body of Christ. Joshua one versus three through five from the new living translation as a reference here. When it comes to reaching people itâ€™s too important to assume that responsibility is to somebody else in marriage crisis okc. The reference here is Joshua one verse is 10 to 11. Today we cross the Jordan River. The reference here is one verses 16 through 18. The car has been given. Until people are themselves to be sent to no one can be reached. Isaiah 68 is a reference from the new living translation. Then thereâ€™s a reference about marriage crisis okc right from Romans Johnâ€™s and ask and Matthew. There is no one exempt from this call. And thereâ€™s no one greater cars. Donâ€™t be idle in the battlefield. Our time is now. The next set of notes are also from Grant and they are from teen night. The title of the notes are rise kill and eat. Ask the tan one is a reference hear from the new living translation. Do not cut something and clean that God has made clean. Nothing is in reach nothing is unreachable that Iâ€™m good at God has made reachable. God says and get up and rice. Donâ€™t get comfortable. Keep reaching out. Keep pursuing marriage crisis okc. Carol is holding you back. Finish out what God says. Finish the work. Eat. What else in your life do you need to rise Killin it? I can be the most uncomfortable circumstances that bring the most fruit. The next notes that I have are from Pastor Kirk and the title is called year for filled and dreams. For James to come to pass we need unshakable faith and never does that. What are you doing for? God has brought us to be generous. The reference here is marriage crisis okc here in 11 one from the amplified version. James without faith goes nowhere. Faith about dreams have nowhere to go. Satan will try in every way to make you give up on your dreams and is not your faith like us in perfection are marriage crisis okc serving. What else in your life do you need to rise Killin it? I can be the most uncomfortable circumstances that bring the most fruit. The next notes that I have are from Pastor Kirk and the title is called year for filled and dreams. For James to come to pass we need unshakable faith and never does that. What are you dreaming for? God has built us to be generous. The reference here is here is 11 one from the amplified version and is about marriage crisis okc. James without faith it goes nowhere. Faith of our dreams have nowhere to go. Satan will try in every way to make you give up on your dreams and is not your faith like us in perfection or serving lunch to receive from God.
The very first thing in marriage must be love. It is all about cooperation, and it only works if everyone is on board and going in the right direction. Or, you might opt to set the marriage behind you and move forward.
Quite often, it’s good to continue to keep your marriage first. Finally, if you’re able to picture what your marriage appears like to other individuals, and it appears unhealthy, unstable and totally destructive, then it’s time to acquire extra assistance. Whenever your marriage is place into trouble, seeking marriage counseling can be quite valuable. It is a wonderful thing… Well, at least it should be wonderful. If your marriage is in trouble, you might be prepared to obtain a therapist. If you’re one who would like to fight for your marriage and are sure that couple counseling is for you, you need to find a counselor that has been through what you’re going through. My marriage to my ex-husband proved to be a huge mistake.
In many cases, couples do not begin on a really stable financial circumstance. They should also discuss why they are in love with one another. They have to determine the one whom they are willing to work with. Couples that have a better possibility of saving their marriage through therapy are wholly invested in their counseling sessions.
Counseling is among the useful methods to conserve marriages. Marriage counseling doesn’t always do the job. Pre marriage couple counseling is simply to ensure you know you’re likely to be in a position to experience the tough times together. Marriage counseling is actually a kind of confrontation where from the subject is about marriage. Couples counseling is intended to address specific problems.
Couples therapy varies in duration, which was made to present enough room to address specific relationship troubles. It encourages emotional growth, which allows people to experience more connected feelings with one another. It can really help both of you deal with the situation and understand each other so that you can separate any serious relationship problems from the trivial ones. Couples therapy will probably continue throughout the separation, and additionally the counselor might prefer that every person take advantage of a log of their feelings.
If their therapist suggests they spend more time enjoying one another’s company, they might even start to truly feel romantic again. Opportunely, marriage therapists are generally very skilled at assisting you to learn how to resolve conflicts in your marriage. When you opt to locate a marriage therapist, you should be sure you locate a certified marriage family therapist.
The therapist will be able to help you stay on track when working on resolving a problem. OKC therapists are available in various places. Marriage therapy is something which you need to seriously consider whenever there are serious problems in your marriage. It is designed to help couples, of course, but you can also benefit from it as an individual. It gives you a chance to identify what you’ve prioritized anddecided if you want to make different choices for that top slot. You need excellent marriage therapy.
Have you noticed that one of the most recent trends on social media is finding ways to live a simpler, minimal life? Thereâ€™s a reason that this trend has gone viral and thatâ€™s because it is so counter cultural--even revolutionary--to American society.
Everything we watch on television is chocked full of items and lifestyles the world says we need in order to be happy. Scrolling through Instagram or Pinterest, youâ€™ll find ads from companies who know everything about you in order to market their products to your specific tastes.
We are a culture of more, more, more, but God is calling His people to less and less and less.
The Rich, Young Ruler
Remember the rich young ruler in Luke 18? He wanted so badly to follow Jesus, but Jesus knew there was one thing the ruler would never give up--his wealth.
And of course, as always, Jesus was right! The ruler turned on his heel and walked back the way he had come, unwilling to give up the grandiose lifestyle he had grown accustomed to. Afraid to miss out on the life money offered to him, he missed out on the incredible journey Jesus had to offer him.
If there was ever a country that mimicked the rich young rulerâ€™s example, it would be America. To live content and grateful for what God has given us means we have to swim upstream against the current of our culture. It requires work, practice, and endurance.
But the life God is offering you is so much more valuable Â and surreal than what this world could ever offer you. Do you believe that today?
Questions for Your Day:
- What is an area of your life you may need to fight to be grateful for this week?
- In what way are you like the rich, young ruler?
- Do you truly believe that the life God is offering you is far more valuable than what the world could offer?
Think about the three people you are most grateful for in this world. Is it too hard to narrow down just three? How about five? Itâ€™s amazing how deeply our lives can be impacted by the people God places in our lives, and letâ€™s all agree, some people are absolute treasures to us!
Now, let me ask you another question. Do you believe in your heart or hearts that someone out there would consider you to be one of their three people? If so, I know that brings a lot of warmth and value to your heart. But if you donâ€™t believe that, Iâ€™m sure you have questions about your value to the people you love, and that can be a very lonely place to live.
While you canâ€™t change the way others communicate their gratitude for you, you have every ability in the world to change your mindset and believe you are valuable and loved by others regardless of how they show it. Here are some reminders to help you remember your worth:
You are Valued because God Says Youâ€™re Valued
What would it mean if a person sacrificed the thing they love most in this world in order to restore a relationship with you? It would mean everything, would it not?
1 Corinthians 7 says that God paid a high price for you--one that none of us deserve or asked for, but a relationship with you was so valuable to Him that he sacrificed the life of his only son, Jesus, in order that you could be with him forever!
So whether you feel valuable or not, value is based on what someone is willing to pay for something, and the price God paid is higher than you could ever imagine!
Others may Express Gratitude Differently than You Receive it
Have you ever heard of the five love languages? It is a great study conducted many years back which compares how different people feel and express their love.
One thing they realized was that people express love in extremely different ways, which leaves room for a lot of miscommunication. Be encouraged that just because someone doesnâ€™t express their love and gratitude for you the way you expect doesnâ€™t mean that they arenâ€™t immensely grateful for you! It just means that their love language is different than yours.
More than likely the way you express your love for others may not be the way others expect as well. So give your loved ones the benefit of a doubt and try to translate their actions in whatever love language your love ones speak best.
Be Transparent with Your Pain
If you feel undervalued or neglected by those you love, speak up! There is no point in walking around with open wounds. Be transparent about how you feel. Share the ways that you feel you need to be loved in order to feel valued and appreciated. This will allow any bitterness in your heart to be removed and you can move forward in your relationship with healing and understanding.
So there you have it--3 reminders of how wonderful and valuable you are! If you are still having doubts and need to think about this further, I encourage you to think through the following questions:
- When was the last time you explicitly told someone how grateful you are for them?
- What is your love language? If youâ€™re unsure, you can take the test here.
- Who do you need to have a conversation with to resolve this pain?
Have you ever wondered about the Bible verse in Proverbs that says, â€śFear the Lord?â€ť What exactly does it mean? And why would fear ever lead me to feel gratitude?
God is the creator and designer of all things. If we remember how powerful He is and stay in awe of the miracle He performed on the cross to make us a part of His family forever, our only desire will be to please Him and honor Him. We wonâ€™t care about what people think of our life choices or our decisions because our priorities are seen through the lens of the cross, and our hearts canâ€™t help but become full of gratitude.
If (or more likely when) we lose sight of the cross and of Godâ€™s work in our lives, God will become smaller in our minds, and we will instead see our priorities through the lenses of other peopleâ€™s standards for us.
And we all know how impossible those standard can be!
The only way we know to impress each other in our culture is to buy more and more stuff to show how successful we are. Without realizing it, we fall into the trap of living only to one-up the Joneses. Whatever gratitude we may have experienced is instead replaced with envy and discontentment.
So how do we keep our eyes and our priorities fixed on God? We have to take actionable steps every single day to ensure that we never lose awe or fear for what Jesus did for us on the cross. When feelings of envy or jealousy start to creep in, ask yourself, â€śDid Jesus come off of His throne in Heaven and die a martyrâ€™s death so that I could sit in jealousy of my neighborâ€™s new car?â€ť
Of course the answer will be no. Asking yourself this question daily will keep you motivated to consider what He did make that sacrifice for and set your eyes on accomplishing the things worthy of that sacrifice--regardless of what others may think.
Here are some questions for you to consider as you start your weekend:
- Have you found yourself envious of something or someone lately?
- Who is the one person in your life you are trying to impress, whether you are consciously aware of it or not?
- What can you do to reignite the awe you have for what God has done for you so your heart can be filled with gratitude again?
Recently we spoke about how difficult it can be for people to say the word, â€śno.â€ť But another common phrase that may expose an underlying fear is â€śIâ€™m sorry.â€ť
Donâ€™t get me wrong, I am not ruling out the necessity of a true apology or asking forgiveness. That is Biblical and a vital part of building and healing healthy relationships. The type of apology Iâ€™m talking about is the Â kind of â€śIâ€™m sorryâ€ť thatâ€™s impulsive, and flies out of the mouth a hundred times a day--even when weâ€™ve done nothing wrong.
This sort of apology isnâ€™t necessarily genuine and is instead a red flag for low self-esteem. When we donâ€™t feel like we belong somewhere or when weâ€™ve convinced ourselves that we are more of a nuisance than an asset, we tend to absorb the fault of everything around us. Low self-esteem can often be a mask for a fear of grace. We donâ€™t feel like we deserve it, so we are afraid to ask for it. Even worse, however, is that we are afraid to accept it.Â
Grace is a Calling
The first step in learning to accept grace is to know youâ€™re right! You donâ€™t deserve grace! And neither do I. The Bible is clear that we have all fallen short and that none of us deserve anything in this life other than death.
While this may not seem encouraging at first, let that sink in...God knows we donâ€™t deserve grace, but He loves us so much He offers it to us as a gift anyway! What that should do is swell our hearts to overflowing because to deny the grace God is offering us is to say that our low self-esteem is more powerful than Godâ€™s love and generosity. And thatâ€™s just simply not the case. Once God has His eyes set on you and declares you worthy because of what His son did for you on the cross, you have no right to declare yourself unworthy! So stand up tall and straighten the crown of righteousness Heâ€™s given you!
Grace is an Act of Humility
Many people believe that low self-esteem is the opposite of pride or the same as humility. But in reality, low-self esteem is just another expression of pride. Rather than thinking too much of yourself, you think too little of yourself. Both are derived from the same action--thinking about yourself. One of my favorite quotes by C.S. Lewis says, â€śHumility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.â€ť This means that if we take our Â eyes off of ourselves and fix them on others and on God, we will become more teachable, more confident, and will be able to find our place in the world to achieve the callings Heâ€™s given each of us.
Grace is Worship
You canâ€™t do anything outside of the love and power of Jesus Christ. So stop trying to rely on your own strength and then beat yourself up for it every time you fail! Godâ€™s strength is made perfect in our weakness, so stop apologizing and praise God when you are so weak that He has to work through you to accomplish His work. What an incredible miracle that we can be so imperfect and still be used by God to do His work.
I hope these words inspire you and give you some encouragement this weekend. As you go about your day, consider these questions:
- Do you find yourself apologizing even when youâ€™ve done nothing wrong?
- Do you believe you are suffering or have suffered from low self-esteem in the past?
- What would it take for you to believe you are deserving of grace today?
The first step to conquering your fear is understanding it. And letâ€™s face it, some of our fears are shallow and easy to identify at face-value. For example, you donâ€™t have to go through a traumatic episode to be afraid of spiders. People can be afraid of spiders simply because, wellâ€¦
Other fears are a little harder to excavate, and itâ€™s hard to fight against a fear that we donâ€™t understand. For example, some people have an irrational fear of roller coasters. I had a client once who would break out in a sweat even if she overhear people talking about a theme park. She assumed it was because of a fear of heights, but Â in reality, she was an avid rock climber who could be 300-400 feet in the air without much discomfort.
When we sat down to talk about why she was afraid of roller coasters but had no problem climbing up a 300-foot rock face, we realized heights werenâ€™t the problem at all. The root of her fear was feeling like her safety was out of her control. She had no problem setting a rope hundreds of feet in the air as long as it was her hands that did it, When it came to trusting a stranger to design and maintain a machine that could go a hundred miles an hour, however, she couldnâ€™t imagine strapping herself into the seat.
After digging further, it became clear that she had experienced a history of domestic violence as a young woman, and that experience made it difficult to trust other people with her physical well-being. So while at face-value my client seemed afraid of heights, deep down there was a whole lot of hurt and history that was keeping her at arms length from those she loved. Counseling not only helped her take steps towards riding her first (albeit, small) roller coaster, it helped her take steps towards trusting others again. Facing this seemingly simple fear had huge beneficial consequences for her, and Iâ€™m convinced you can have that same experience too!
So what about you? Are you ready to start digging deeper to the root of your fears? If so, then list out some of your most common fears on a sheet of paper. Then ask yourself these three simple questions:
- Do you notice any common traits in those fears?
- When did some of these fears first begin?
- By addressing the root of some of these fears, how would your life be different?
â€śFor though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor. 10:3-5
One of the topics that is talked about least in our culture while holding perhaps the greatest influence over our mental health is spiritual warfare. The Bible warns us that we have to demolish any strongholds the enemy can use to distract us from living and reaching our full potential.Â Â If you believe that there is a God who designed you, created you, and set in motion a plan for your life, you have to face the reality that there is also an enemy, named Satan, whose only goal is to thwart Godâ€™s plans for you by distracting you from the course God has set for you. Scripture says that the enemy is a liar, incapable of speaking truth, yet we keep falling for his words over and over again. We have to remember, the enemy has come to steal, kill, and destroy, and if we listen to his voice and allow him to have sway over our lives, he will lead us down a path of destruction.
Here are three ways you can find and demolish the enemy's strongholds on your life:
1. We have to Know Godâ€™s Voice
God speaks to us through His word, through the people we love and care about, and even through nature, according to Romans. The enemy, however, knows this and tries to trick us by taking scripture verses out of context, speaking through people we trust and admire, and through everyday distractions. It is so important that we become familiar with Godâ€™s voice and work to develop discernment so we can know which voice is speaking to us.
2. We have to Guard our Hearts
The greatest battles between God and the enemy are fought on the battlefields of our hearts. As Christians, we can rest in assurance that God has already won the war for our hearts, but the enemy just doesnâ€™t know when to quit, and can still do damage in the short run. We have to be aware that our hearts are constantly being pulled in two directions and take command over which direction our hearts will be inclined to go. If we are not knitting our hearts to God then we'll drift farther and farther away from Him. The more space we allow between our hearts and God, the
3. We have to Take Every Thought Captive
Philippians 4:8 warns us that we have to fix our minds on whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, and whatever is excellent. Only God can be these things, so when our minds are fixed on what is good or right or pure, our minds are fixed on God, and the enemy has no room to interject his own thoughts into our minds. So when thoughts of guilt or shame come into your mind, identify them for what they are and remember those thoughts are not from God but from Satan. And he has no business in your thought life.
I hope that this message brings encouragement to you and empowers you to face whatever battle you are facing this week. If youâ€™d like to speak with one of our qualified counselors, please know our hearts are only to help you and guide you to living the best life God has called to you, free from all the enemyâ€™s strongholds. You were made for so much more! Give us a call today and let us join you in your journey today!
The Bible doesnâ€™t say â€śBe strong and courageous when you feel like it.â€ť Sometimes I wish it did! But that would allow us to rely on our own strength which we all know is less than reliable. Instead, weâ€™re called to rely on Godâ€™s strength which never fails and never taps out. This is even more difficult on days where we just donâ€™t feel ourselves. Inevitably, there will be a day when we wake up tired, sick, or feeling like the cards are stacked against us. So how do we muster courage on those days? What are some ways we can push ourselves to be courageous to face the day when all we want to do is shrivel up and go back to bed?
1. Set Yourself Up for Success
The first thing you can do every morning is get up and dress the part. Even if you donâ€™t feel courageous or prepared for the day, wake up at the same time anyway. Make the bed to keep yourself from crawling back in it. Get dressed in an outfit that makes you feel powerful. I had a client several years back who reserved a specific shade of lipstick which she called â€śthe armor of God.â€ť She reserved this lipstick for those especially difficult days when she needed a visual reminder to put on the armor of God and rely on His strength that day. Whatever makes you feel bold or powerful, make it part of your morning routine, and watch how quickly your attitude towards the day will shift.
2. Fake it in Faith
A study was done several years ago that showed that if you stand in a powerful position with your feet shoulder-width apart, your hands on your hips, and your head held high, you can actually trick your brain into feeling more powerful and brave. Whether you buy in to the study or not, the idea is very helpful. Sometimes you wonâ€™t feel bold or courageous until you start believing God can make you courageous if you faithfully play the part.
To rely on Godâ€™s strength, we need to be faithful and ask for it. This should be a daily occurrence, but some days, youâ€™ll just need to stop from time to time, go to your knees in prayer, and beg God to bring strength when you have none. He is faithful and will always equip you to complete the call He has given you each day, so ask in faith knowing He will respond.
4. Give yourself an incentive
There is nothing wrong with giving yourself a little reward or incentive to keep yourself going. If you struggle with social anxiety and know you have a day full of conferences or presentations, plan a quiet hike in the afternoon where you can escape the hustle and bustle and enjoy the quiet time you are craving. If you are an exhausted mother unsure whether you can manage carpool or toddler tantrums for one more day, plan a long bubble-bath or order a new book to look forward to as a reward for whatever chaos the day throws your way.
5. Remember the Long-Game
Itâ€™s easy to slip into the here-and-now mentality, but as Christians, weâ€™ve been called to live every day in light of eternity. Think to yourself, in 10,000 years is this lousy day even going to be a blip on my radar? The answer is no. Will the faithful act of being courageous when God calls me to be matter? Yes it will. So donâ€™t fall into the trap of believing that the struggle you are facing today has no expiration date. Keeping a long-term perspective will help keep the fears and doubts of today in their rightful place.
To encourage you, Iâ€™d like to leave you with a Bible verse to consider as you rest this weekend to face another week. Lamentations 3:22-23 says that Godâ€™s love never ceases and that His mercies are new every morning. That means that while we sleep each night, He makes a new deposit of strength and mercy to face whatever the day ahead of us has in store. If we believe that He has equipped us for anything in our path, the most courageous thing we can do is start walking.
Here are some questions to consider as you begin your weekend:
- Do you believe God has equipped you to face your day today?
- What is God calling you to today that you are tempted to shy away from?
- What incentive would motivate you to live courageously today?
- What makes you feel more powerful even if you feel your weakest?
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