Brian and Janelle’s save their marriage through Christian counseling
Brian and Janelle came to counseling as many couples do wanting a quick fix. They struggled with issues in communication and lack of connection. They came off and on for a few years. They would come in crisis, and then when the fires were put out they would stop coming. Unfortunately, they didn’t invest enough time to go past putting out fires onto the deep work of true and lasting change. That all changed the last time they came in. Janelle exclaimed at the beginning of session, ‘If you don’t change I am done. You are going to finish building this massive house and you will be all alone because the kids and I will be gone.’ This got Brian’s attention, so he began to invest. You see, Brian was a highly successful salesman and knew how to get people to see things his way. Unfortunately, this technique does not work well in building a marriage that lasts a lifetime. He began coming two to three times per week for individual counseling, but he still didn’t see where he was going wrong. Janelle was getting more frustrated and he was getting more desperate to save his marriage. The solution; invite all the people in your life that love you and your wife and are willing to help you in this journey. At the next session, I created a panoramic mirror with all of his friends. It was a really big mirror because he had way more friends than I anticipated. Why a mirror you may ask? A mirror gives you the opportunity to see what needs to change. Can you imagine leaving your house in the morning without looking at yourself in the mirror? No way! Well, what I have discovered is that many of us have journeyed through marriage without ever looking in the mirror (the Bible, friends and family, prayer, etc.) to see who we really are and what needs to change. The session was really intense. I helped Janelle tell her story of how much she was hurting. I helped their friends see clearly what was happening without Brian selling them on his side of the story. Some of the women began to cry and one of the guys grew increasingly angry. He simply couldn’t understand how Brian could be so insensitive. After everyone was done asking questions and confronting Brian in mostly loving ways, something felt different. Brian shed one, maybe two tears, but there was a crack. A crack in the image of the Christian husband he was portraying to the world that was different from the husband he really was at home. Thankfully, the crack grew as he began seeing how callous and hurtful he had been to Janelle. This created a sense of repentance and flowed into humility. Now, he began to change deeply. Through many tears and several counseling sessions he was following Christ instead of trying to get Janelle to follow him. Where are they at today? At this post they are living in their big house. The house is now used to share God’s love with couples that they mentor, and to provide a place to stay for those who are in need. I praise God for their story and the inspiration they have had on my life and countless others. Faith Forward, Shawn Maguire, LPC